Behind the Therapist Chair: My Journey and What I’ve Learned

Hi there! My name is Ashley Vera and I am a soon-to-be licensed mental health counselor. You may or may not know me already either as a client or a colleague, but I hope you can still learn something about me today. Before we dive into the details of my journey, I wanted to share a little bit about myself beyond the counselor role. I believe it is crucial for current and future clients to know and find comfort that they are sharing their life stories with real people who have likely been through similar things and made the same mistakes as them. To aspiring counselors, your life experience and personality can be useful in the therapy room!

A Little About Me: Beyond the Counselor Role

For me, self-care is a big priority, and what that looks like varies from day to day.

When I’m not working with clients, you’ll usually find me spending time with my friends and my daughter. Family is really important to me, and I try to make sure we have plenty of time together. I also take salsa classes and joined a dance team who performs at various events. It’s a fun and active way to express myself, and dancing helps me stay grounded and release stress.

In addition to dancing, I enjoy video games, anime, and TV shows—they’re my go-to way to unwind and relax. I also love playing board games with friends and family, tapping into my creative side through drawing, painting, or other paper crafts, and staying active by going to the gym. On top of all that, I have enjoyed reading since I was in grade school and although I don’t have much time for it these days, it is still an old favorite, especially fiction or self-development books.

When I’m with clients, I enjoy incorporating humor into sessions when it’s appropriate. Many people find that a little lightheartedness can go a long way in easing tension and making the environment more comfortable. It helps foster a sense of connection and allows the therapy process to feel more collaborative.

In fact, bringing humor, real-life experiences, and my own personality into the therapeutic space is something I learned to embrace over time. In grad school, I was taught to be more of a "blank slate" in sessions, but I found that being my authentic self actually helps build trust and rapport. Whether it’s talking about my own experiences as a parent or sharing the joy I get from working out or dancing, those moments of connection allow clients to feel more comfortable and open up.

I believe that showing up as my full, authentic self—beyond just my title as a counselor—helps create a therapeutic space that feels safe, supportive, and real. Therapy is all about building a human connection, and I hope that by sharing a bit of who I am outside of the therapy room, you’ll feel more comfortable doing the same in our sessions.

My Decision to Become a Mental Health Counselor

Now that you know a little more about me, I want to share why I decided to pursue a career in mental health counseling. It all started when I was a teenager, growing up in a tough neighborhood. Like many people, I struggled to focus on my education and my own well-being in that environment. However, there was one person who made a huge difference in my life: my high school guidance counselor.

She saw potential in me when I couldn’t see it in myself. She helped me build on my strengths and gave me the encouragement I needed to graduate high school. It was through her support that I realized the power of counseling. It wasn’t just about helping with school—it was about helping people see their worth, find their voice, and make positive changes in their lives.

That experience was life-changing for me, and it’s what led me to want to be a mental health counselor. I wanted to be that person for others—the one who listens, supports, and helps guide people toward growth, healing, and self-discovery.

For Aspiring Counselors: Overcoming Challenges and Finding Purpose

Like many in the counseling field, I didn’t have a straight path to becoming a therapist. I started my college education at a local community college. After getting my associates there, I then transferred to a four year school where I majored in psychology and minored in sociology, which set my foundation for the grad program later on.

Grad school was tough. There’s so much to learn in such a short time—lectures, papers, presentations, and mock therapy sessions in front of your peers. Yes, you read that right: mock therapy. There were times when I thought, “What am I doing? Do I even know what I’m talking about?” But with every challenge came growth. I learned that counseling isn’t just about having all the answers; it’s about being present, listening, and guiding clients through their own process of self-discovery.

There’s a lot of pressure as a counselor to be the expert, but sometimes, simply holding space for a client to express their feelings is more powerful than any solution you could offer. It took me some time to embrace that, but once I did, I became much more comfortable with my role as a guide, supporter, and advocate for clients.

What I Wish I Knew When I Started

There are so many things I’ve learned throughout my time in grad school and early in my career, and I want to share some tips for those of you just starting out in the field.

1. Have your own therapist. This is a non-negotiable. As counselors, we spend so much time supporting others that it’s easy to forget about our own mental health. Having a therapist of your own is essential. It helps you reflect, work through your own challenges, and be aware of any biases that might affect your work with clients.

2. Master one or two therapeutic modalities at a time. There’s a lot to learn in this field, and it can be overwhelming at first. Focus on mastering a couple of therapeutic approaches at a time, and once you feel confident with those, branch out into others. It’s okay to reuse tools and activities across clients, as long as they’re adapted to meet their unique needs.

3. Set time boundaries. Burnout is real. You can’t be your best for your clients if you’re overworked and exhausted. Make sure to set limits around your time—whether it’s scheduling breaks between sessions, setting boundaries on after-hours work, or just making time for yourself outside of counseling.

4. Give yourself grace. Nobody’s perfect, and you will make mistakes. It’s part of the process. Be kind to yourself, learn from those moments, and remember that you’re human. You’re not just a counselor—you’re a person who’s continuously growing and learning too. You can also use your mistakes to model humility to your clients.

5. Don’t put pressure on yourself to know everything. It’s okay to not have all the answers. Therapy is a process, and sometimes it takes time to work through things. If you don’t know something, it’s perfectly fine to admit that to your clients. You can research, ask questions, and come back with more information. Don’t rush the process—it’s about progress, not perfection.

Conclusion

I hope this post gives you a little more insight into who I am as both a counselor and a person. My journey hasn’t always been easy, but it’s been incredibly rewarding, and I’m thankful for the opportunity to walk alongside my clients as they work through their own journeys of growth and healing. Whether you’re a current client, a future client, or someone interested in becoming a counselor, I hope you know that we’re all just human beings, learning and growing together.

Thank you for being a part of my journey.